Day 3

In almost everything I've read about the Master Cleanse it always says Day 3 is the worst for most people.  I was worried... but I'm fine.  I was really really tired this morning but after my eliminations and first glass of lemonade I perked up a bit.  I'm still tired.  I would love a coffee...  mmm... Dunkin Donuts iced coffee.  I didn't realize how much I absolutely love Dunkin Donuts until doing this cleanse.

Anyway...  same deal as the past two days.  Woke up at 9:47 (which is weird cause that's the exact same time I woke up yesterday) but decided I should sleep some more so finally got up around 11:40.  Did the salt water...  it was more bearable to drink today.  Oh yea...  I woke up in the middle of the night to eliminate.  I think the additional laxatives was a good idea.  I also realized I wasn't drinking that much water so I've upped that as well.  

"The book" says sometimes the worst day is Day 4.  That'll probably be mine.  Although I'm hoping I have no worst days.  I've been feeling pretty good.  Tired and hungry.  But I mean I though I was going to be nauseous and dizzy which I usually get when I diet but I'm not at all.  

Oh yea...  the best part of my day is I let myself lick the spoon that I use to measure the maple syrup after one or two drinks.  It's like intensely sweet but yum.  It's a treat.

K...  it's 3pm.  I have to eliminate and go to class.  

8:34pm:  Got home from class about an hour ago... I was definitely less hungry than yesterday (which was odd because I drank about two glasses less before class today than I had yesterday) but during class I was really tired and couldn't focus at all.  It was the first class (of all the classes this week) and I feel like usually I'm the most focused the first day... but I just couldn't pull it together this week.  I'm really really tired.  All I want to do is watch TV and cry.  :-(

I had a double glass (making that 4.5 so far)  Not hungry.  But sad.  :-(   I just had an ichat with my cousins and aunt. I don't think that's what made me sad.  I'm just lonely.  One of my suitemates was all dolled up going on a date with her boyfriend.  And Im just stuck here... no one to talk to nothing to do.  All I want to do is cry.

I dont have a scale (and won't be able to weight myself until the day after the cleanse anyway) but I definitely don't think I'm losing any weight...  I thought I would lose something by now.  I know I said that wasn't a major reason why I was doing this but still.  If I'm not eating I'd like for my fat gut to go down at least a little.  I've read other blogs where they're like "Day 3 and 23lbs gone!" or "Day 4 lost 15 lbs so far!" and I'm just like whaaaaaat? I've barely been exercising...  I've barely walked this week cause of the snow and my fatigue.  I just hope I'm doing this all right I really don't feel like I am.  But I am following the book exactly so I don't know.  I am sad.  

9:57pm:  So I had bought the Chocolate Smooth Move tea (and peppermint) but haven't drank it (nor the peppermint) so I decided I'd give it a try tonight.  I've drank it before and remember it being disgusting but BLEH.  This is the first thing on this cleanse that's actually made me gag.  Even the thought of it makes me gag.  So I drank it...while gagging... and now I feel nauseous.  Which is probably bad because I also took 6 laxative tablets.  I'm probably so going to regret this in the morning (or the middle of the night).  I doubt I'll drink the tea again.  I wish I didn't waste the 5 bucks on it.

10:08pm: I am freeeeeezing.  And the heat is up to 77.  And I just drank tea...  you'd think I wouldn't be shivering but I am.  I wanted to watch that Charm City Cake show but I decided against it...  even though I'm not hungry at all... and I don't ever really want cake (I'd much rather a Ruben or a hot dog... I've been thinking about hot dogs A LOT the past three days.  That's it... when I can eat I'm going to Ben's and getting a pastrami on rye with russian dressing and two hot dogs and a knish...yesssssssss I'm excited) but I just couldn't risk it.  There's definitely some activity going on in my stomach.  Bubbling and gurgling and a little cramping but not bad.  

11:35pm:  I was talking to my crazy cousin about 40 minutes ago... drank 1.5 glasses (total of 6 for the day...  am I losing my mind?  Did I drink a glass in between coming home from class and now?  I don't think so) and eliminated... and just did so again.  I'm thinking it's the tea doing its job.  It's not like I'm eliminating solids... but it's not pure liquid like it is in the morning.  It's like...  grainy and a little flakey.  My stomach hurts for the first time since commencing the cleanse... but as long as more is coming out of me I'm happy.  Maybe the tea was a good idea.  Gag  ew.  

I want to apologize if anyone is in fact reading this and think that I'm vulgar.  I'll have you know I'm a very classy gal...  I just really want to be as blunt, honest and detailed as possible.  Oooh my tummy hurts.

I was worried that I was drinking too much pulp (thinking that the "solid" stuff in my eliminations was only the lemon pulp) but I read up on it and having some pulp in your drink is not a bad thing.  Some may argue that it's fiber properties are beneficial...  others say it may cause your digestive system to do more work and kind of distract itself from the cleansing process.  Stanley Burroughs said it's fine...  so it's fine by me.  I'm definitely not going to get worked up over pulp.  

One week from today I'll be ending my cleanse.  Just keep swimming... just keep swimming.  I can't believe when I wake up tomorrow it'll already be day 4.  :-)

12:18am:  Gonna watch some Conan and go to bed.  I'm hungry.  It terrifies me that this all might not be working and I'm doing it all for nothing.

Day 2

I woke up before 10am without an alarm for the first time in years.  I pooped first thing when I woke up and then relaxed until about 10 when I made my salt water flush.  I ran out of bottled water last night (totally slipped my mind to get some before class) so I boiled tap water for the salt water flush (I hope that's ok)  Agh.  It's not that the flush tastes bad...  the book said to pretend its a salty broth and that does help.  It's just that it's so much to drink!  And I just want to get it over with.  I tried sipping it but it was taking just too long.  I tried gulping it but that made me a little queasy.  Finally after a good half hour I finished and about 30 seconds later... peed out of my butt (eliminated..jeez).  

11:00ish:  I made my first drink.  I actually brought it with me and drank it on the toilet because I was eliminating frequently.

12:11pm:  I got on the bus to go to get some water.  It snowed like 3 inches last night.  125th St+ snow = not fun.  Some guy laughed at me cause I stepped in a puddle.  I laughed at him cause he's unemployed.  

12:52:  Got my water came back drank my drank (1.5 making it 2.5 so far today).  Eliminated right after...  or actually in the middle of drinking my drink.  I think that was my 6th time today (do I really need to get count?)  It's still yellow with some flakey bits in it.  Oh yea...  during one of my morning eliminations I definitely saw some mucus in there.  

I had no idea my poop was going to be yellow liquid.  I'm trying to understand how the yellow liquid is excess waste in my body.  I understand that it probably contains a lot of toxins...  but I feel like I have fecal matter sitting in my digestive system that's been there for years just rotting and I want it out of me.  Is that not happening?  Am I just getting rid of the toxins and not the excess waste?  Will it change?  I guess we'll have to see.

When I was out  I almost stopped at Dunkin Donuts for a bagel just out of habit.  I was going to say that I'm not hungry... just craving food... but I am hungry.  And tired.  

7:46pm:  Got back from class and had a glass of the drink.  Actually I had two in one...  I accidentally added twice the amount of water after I had put in everything else.  I'm hungry.  Really really hungry.  I'm having trouble focusing...  all I want to do is watch Family Guy...  which definitely is not as funny if you're not high.  This girl in my class was eating a candy bar...  chocolate... and the best kind... the kind you buy from the kids on the subway when they're raising money for their school.  Mmmmm...  I'm gonna eat like 10 of them when I can.  

I don't know what I'm going to do on Sunday (Day 6)...  I have to be at work at 8:45am.  So I doubt I'll wake up early enough to do the salt water and really don't want to risk...anything.  

10:48:  Just finished my last glass of the day (total of 9).  I eliminated something other than pee about two hours ago...  after I finished by previous glass (which was really 2).  It was like little coco puffs...  yum...  eww...

I'm not as hungry as I was.  I probably will be in like five minutes though.  I don't feel like I'm eliminating enough.  I have problems with constipation as it is and I expected to poop a lot more while doing the cleanse.  Maybe I will in the next coming days.  But I re read part of the book and it says that to heighten results you should take a herbal parasite cleanser product.  He suggests cloves, cinnamon and others (just google it).  

Agh I don't even feel like talking about this anymore.  Fuckin these Staten Island bitches probably undergrad live next door and are so fucking loud and it is so fucking irritating and they just banged on the wall so I banged back... hard.  I had like a rush of anger.  Now I'm sad.  Now I'm crying.  I've been really sad the past few days.  I don't know if it's the cleanse... it probably isn't.  It's probably just everything else.  Fuck this SUUUCKS.  I want my mom.  I want my mom like a little fucking kid wants their mom.  I'm miserable.  It like hits me every night around this time.  I hope it's the cleanse only cause that means it will eventually end.  

Back to the cleanse...

My nose is definitely running.  I read that this can happen cause the mucus is breaking up.  Or it could just be that its cold and snowy out.  My body definitely still hurts (especially my hips...I couldn't even walk last week and this week isn't that much better).  

This cleanse is definitely not what I thought it was going to be like so far.  That's neither good or bad. And I feel like there's no one really I can ask (not like I know anyone that's done this) or read anything on a blog and count it as anything more than that persons own personal experience.  They're not experts and everyone's unique.  So I guess I have to just keep going.  I keep chanting my little motivator in my head over and over...  just keep swimming...  just keep swimming...  what do we do we swim, swim  (Finding Nemo...  thinking of you April).  

11:32pm:  I forgot to mention that I took 7 laxative tablets at about 9pm instead of the 5 I had been taking.  I didn't think five was having enough of an effect.  I just eliminated psuedo-solid matter.  My butt hole is on fi-ya!

Day 1

I couldn't fall asleep until like 6am.  I started thinking about my ex...  something I haven't done like this in a while... and was thinking about general stresses.  No fun.  I woke up at about 11:45am so that I would be tired and hopefully sleep early to help cope with the not smoking and being hungry.

When I woke up this morning I immediately wanted a cigarette.  That hasn't happened in a while.  I'm just generally in an irritated mood... and nothing has even happened yet.  I haven't even left my room.

I had my first "elimination" (btw... I feel ridiculous calling it that but the point of this is to eliminate the bad stuff from my body so...) right after I woke up.  That's not unusual for me though.  

12:20pm:  Made my first salt water flush.  It really really wasn't bad at all.  Well alright it wasn't like it was exactly pleasurable but it wasn't totally disgusting.  I didn't realize how much it is to drink (4 cups) so it took a while...  maybe 12 minutes.  I'm saying it wasn't that bad today, but while I was drinking it and I realize I'm definitely going to dread this part in some days to come.

12:40ish:  Thought I had to fart.  In another blog I read they warned about moments like these.  I remembered not to push... and thank goodness for that.  I had my first 'real' elimination.  It was BIZARRE.  It was like neon yellow liquid... but not really liquid... it kind of felt like foam coming out but really was BRIGHT yellow.  Not like pee yellow....bright neon friggin yellow.  There were also pieces of hard poo in there which I totally didn't know was coming out cause all I was feeling was the foamliquid experience.

1:10pm:  I made my first glass of lemonade.  I was surprised that I got as much juice as I did out of a lemon and I'm glad... maybe now I won't have to spend as much money as I thought.  I thought the drink tasted pretty good!  I also thought the entire drink was going to be a real glass full (about 3 cups) but it's only about 1.5 cups.  Since I'm supposed to drink about 8 cups of this a day I might double up and drink 3 cups at a time and count it as two drinks but I don't know if I'm allowed to do that.

1:40pm:  Ok so...  I just peed out of my butt.  Total liquid...  totally yellow.  Oh god... one of my suitemates just made something in the kitchen... and it smells so good.  Even though it really smells awful.  I think it's Ramen...ew...  but I want it.  It's like "Whatever you do...  don't push that button"...  you're gonna wanna push the button.  So just cause I can't eat...  I really want to.

I can not believe how much I want a cigarette!  I think it's the same thing...  just because I know I can't I want it even more.  Hopefully this will pass today.  I have to go to a class and beg my way in or else I lose full time status...so I'll lose my loans... so I'll have to drop out of school.  

I wonder what my suitemates are going to think of my frequent trips to the bathroom.  I realize this may not be the best first impression that I could be making (I moved in 8 days ago and have spent a total of maybe 10 minutes collectively talking with them.  Maybe they'll figure out what I'm doing from the massive stash of lemons in the kitchen.  UH OH HAVE TO RUN TO BATHROOM!

Wowza...  more pee out of butt (yes... I realize it's not actually pee...)  How many eliminations is that so far I lost track!  Three (I'm not counting my first morning poop as an elimination...  just a normal poop).   My butt is burning already...  that can't be good.  The book said to put some coconut oil on it if this happens...  one more added expense I didn't need but I'm sure the ring of fire is going to get worse so it'll be worth it.

I wanted a cigarette so bad and am in a pretty agitated mood so much so that I considered not doing it.. at least for today.  I know that if I don't stick with it today... I'll never go back.  Then I'll be the failure idiot who wasted 70 precious dollars on supplies.  For a moment there I was even trying to come up with other things I could do with all those lemons... I considered using them to clean even though I wouldn't know how... or if that's even possible.  I can't let myself down...  I'll get through this I just have to.

2:05pm:  I'm about to make my second glass of lemonade.  I'm probably so irritated because I'm tired... and I'm tired because I got like 5 hours sleep...  not because I'm not eating.  I'm getting emotional!  I'm pathetic...  watching TLC 10 Years Younger and the lady that looks like shes old is white and her husband's black... my ex was black...  and this is friggin making me cry.  Are you kidding me?  I am so worried about the saddness this cleanse is going to bring on but it'll be good.  It'll be like I'm cleansing out my negative emotions as well.  

I should probably really get out of bed now.   Grr.....  

2:11:  Jeez Louise another elimination!  Less yellow in color... I hope this doesn't happen in class 

3:00pm:  I've already had four glasses (one then I combined two and now one more).  I thought I would have four before class and four after so I get 8... right in the middle of the recommended 6-10.  I really like the taste of this drink!  

7:16pm:  Just got back from class.  Made it into the class I was closed out of...  hooray!  After I got that worked out I felt like I was really hyper.  I don't know if it was because I was just jazzed to get into Literacy or if I'm already experience increased energy from the cleanse.  It's probably the former.  While I was walking to class I was ready to start snapping at someone and feel like my feet weighed a thousand pounds as I walked.  I was worried that I would have headaches from withdrawing from caffeine... but it hasn't been bad.  I have had a slight headache since this afternoon that comes and goes in little like 5 minute intervals.  I got really cold in class...  I don't know if it's cause I had just returned from a false fire alarm (mmm.... FDNY boys) or if I wasn't drinking enough lemonade.  Agh and if this had been any normal day I would have taken the fire drill as an opportunity to have a cigarette break... and so did a lot of other people... including a friend who suggested we smoke.  I had to break the news to her that I was doing the cleanse..  Now too many people know that I'm doing it so I can't tell them all 'Eh... I just gave up half way through... that's hard.'  Instead I want them to be impressed with my completion and dedication to bettering myself.  Well I don't really care if they're impressed by me... but just don't want to have to tell anyone including myself I gave up.

I'm currently drinking my 5.5 cup of the lemonade.  I have a stupid meeting at 9 and I hope to go to bed right after.  I always get a little lonely and sad at night anyway... especially in my new room... especially without food... and ESPECIALLY without weed.  I'll make it through I'm sure.

I haven't pooped.. oh sorry... eliminated since this morning (my morning... real people's afternoon).  I guess that's normal.  

10:02pm:  So I'm totally losing it.  I had my last glass (total of seven) a little bit ago.  I marked February 5 on my calender with a big smiley face (the day I end my cleanse) and was so gung ho about the whole thing.  Just now though, I got overwhelmed and just started crying.  I like feel really homesick which I can't believe.  I'm just sad... totally sad.  I have no one to talk to and it's even too late to call my mom... not that I would want her to know I'm homesick.  I really wish this would pass.  I've only done one day how the hell am I going to get through 9 more?  It's like I'm just thinking about all the bad things and can't see the good anymore.  I'm so scared to fail.  I wish I would just fall asleep please God just let me fall asleep

The night before

So here I go... starting the cleanse.  I'm excited...  I am.  Nervous, scared...sure.  But, mostly excited.  Although I am dreading the fact that this is the first week of classes... which isn't a big deal really it's not like I do work anyway... I'm just hoping I don't collapse in class... or worse... make someone collapse from smelling my stank breath which I'm sure I will have from not eating.  My plans for starting the cleanse last week got shot to shit when my hips decided they hated me and didn't want me to be able to walk.  I also was going to start the cleanse the day after tomorrow, but am almost certain the financial aid trolls are going to somehow screw me out of qualifying for work study, claiming I have no financial "need" even though right now I have 57 cents in my back account.  So I decided last minute to commence my cleanse a day early.  

I think the biggest reason why I'm scared (other than failing) is because I have no support.  I'm at a time in my life where I have no friends to talk to or confide in... and my family will NOT get this.  Our lives revolve around food.  Hey...  we're Italian.  And my mom won't let me go to a chiropractor because that's too "new age" for her...  so this would really just be too much to understand.  I'm hoping that writing here will help me work things out in my head for myself.  I think that's what I really need anyway.  

I went to Whole Foods today and stocked up on supplies... 

Herbal laxative.  I'm using Swiss Kriss... the bottle said to take 2 but the book said to take 5...  so I went with the book...  I never ever poop anyway...  I'm sure (and hope) I'll eat - or...er - drink those words later.  Chocolate Smooth Move and peppermint tea, sea salt, cayenne pepper and Grade B Maple Syrup.  Oh yea... and the lemons.  Friggin a buck a piece.  But like the book said... I deserve it right now.  And it's not like I'm going to be spending my money on Popeyes or KFC, which seems to be my only eating options in my new neighborhood, and I probably couldn't afford a bucket of chicken anyway or even just a side of coleslaw... but I digress.  

"The book"... by the way...is Tom Woloshyn's The Complete Guide to the Master Cleanse.  I'm following it pretty much exactly.  Part of his advice is to keep a journal... which I will make this blog (my first blog... welcome to 2009!)  Here we go:

I AM DOING THE MASTER CLEANSE BECAUSE:

I am doing the Master Cleanse because I want to better myself as a person.  I want to feel better, both physically and mentally.  I want to prove to myself that I can do it.  I want to show myself that I can accomplish a goal.  I want to do this now because there is no better time than now.  

*side note:  I am newly single (ended a 2.5 year relationship six months ago).. still not recuperated...but I am getting there and I will get there.  I also just moved to Harlem.  This is a really exciting and terrifying time in my life and I am so looking forward to finally getting myself to a happy place.  And I guess this cleanse is a part of kicking off the new happy life...  anyway.

Okay so why I'm doing the cleanse.  Just a warning to anyone reading (which I doubt is anyone but if you are reading...HI!) I'm going to be totally honest and leave nothing to the imagination.  

Okay...  I've smoked weed just about everyday for like the past... oh jesus... five years.  That's scary to think about.  I didn't realize its been such a long period of time.  I guess I've been in a fog (probably exhale of a joint) since undergrad...  probably longer.  So...  I love weed.  Despite my adoration for marijuana, I am fully aware and recognize the negative effects it has on my body and mind.  It's also expensive... and for someone with pocket change to her name it's time to cut back.  People say that you can't get addicted to weed... and yea I guess you can't.  I used to have a physical addiction to cigarettes... and when I needed a cigarette I would get a physical reaction or displeasure and kind of physical pain.  I don't necessarily get a physical effect when I don't have weed but I definitely freak out mentally.  I've been choosing to smoke and sit on my fat lazy ass home by myself instead of going out and exploring... and being sad when I didn't have weed instead of being sad about the life that I was missing out on.  So that's gonna change.

I'm also a cigarette smoker.  I smoked from when I was 14 then quit for a year from 20 to 21 until I had an unexpected death in the family and took cigarettes back as my friend.  The physical addiction has definitely decreased from before I had quit.  Now it's like a compulsive comfort social thing and it's just awful.  I stink.  I smell gross.  And it's MAD expensive.  Frickin 10 bucks a pack...  It's stupid...  smoking cigarettes (and weed everyday) is just stupid.  For someone who wants to be a teacher that's pretty disgusting.  That's not the role model I want to be.

MEASUREMENTS 

I've never taken my measurements and am not really doing this to lose weight (although that's a bonus...ok who am I kidding I def wanna lose weight and this will help kick off a not eating total shit lifestyle) but I'm just curious how my body is going to change.  I should take a picture of myself on my brand new handy dandy Mac...  I will tomorrow.  

Weight:  158

Chest:  40

Hips:  40.5

Waist:  34.5

Thighs:  24

Arms (bicep)  13.5

Energy Level (1-10):  5   (although I kind of even wanna say 4... that's bad)

I have my five laxative tablets in my belly and am ready to go to bed.  Or do I want one last cigarette?  Hmm...  it's 3am, I'm in my pajamas and its about 17 degrees outside.  Yea...  I want the cigarette.    Goodbye old friend.  Hopefully this will be our last hurrah.