When I woke up this morning I immediately wanted a cigarette. That hasn't happened in a while. I'm just generally in an irritated mood... and nothing has even happened yet. I haven't even left my room.
I had my first "elimination" (btw... I feel ridiculous calling it that but the point of this is to eliminate the bad stuff from my body so...) right after I woke up. That's not unusual for me though.
12:20pm: Made my first salt water flush. It really really wasn't bad at all. Well alright it wasn't like it was exactly pleasurable but it wasn't totally disgusting. I didn't realize how much it is to drink (4 cups) so it took a while... maybe 12 minutes. I'm saying it wasn't that bad today, but while I was drinking it and I realize I'm definitely going to dread this part in some days to come.
12:40ish: Thought I had to fart. In another blog I read they warned about moments like these. I remembered not to push... and thank goodness for that. I had my first 'real' elimination. It was BIZARRE. It was like neon yellow liquid... but not really liquid... it kind of felt like foam coming out but really was BRIGHT yellow. Not like pee yellow....bright neon friggin yellow. There were also pieces of hard poo in there which I totally didn't know was coming out cause all I was feeling was the foamliquid experience.
1:10pm: I made my first glass of lemonade. I was surprised that I got as much juice as I did out of a lemon and I'm glad... maybe now I won't have to spend as much money as I thought. I thought the drink tasted pretty good! I also thought the entire drink was going to be a real glass full (about 3 cups) but it's only about 1.5 cups. Since I'm supposed to drink about 8 cups of this a day I might double up and drink 3 cups at a time and count it as two drinks but I don't know if I'm allowed to do that.
1:40pm: Ok so... I just peed out of my butt. Total liquid... totally yellow. Oh god... one of my suitemates just made something in the kitchen... and it smells so good. Even though it really smells awful. I think it's Ramen...ew... but I want it. It's like "Whatever you do... don't push that button"... you're gonna wanna push the button. So just cause I can't eat... I really want to.
I can not believe how much I want a cigarette! I think it's the same thing... just because I know I can't I want it even more. Hopefully this will pass today. I have to go to a class and beg my way in or else I lose full time status...so I'll lose my loans... so I'll have to drop out of school.
I wonder what my suitemates are going to think of my frequent trips to the bathroom. I realize this may not be the best first impression that I could be making (I moved in 8 days ago and have spent a total of maybe 10 minutes collectively talking with them. Maybe they'll figure out what I'm doing from the massive stash of lemons in the kitchen. UH OH HAVE TO RUN TO BATHROOM!
Wowza... more pee out of butt (yes... I realize it's not actually pee...) How many eliminations is that so far I lost track! Three (I'm not counting my first morning poop as an elimination... just a normal poop). My butt is burning already... that can't be good. The book said to put some coconut oil on it if this happens... one more added expense I didn't need but I'm sure the ring of fire is going to get worse so it'll be worth it.
I wanted a cigarette so bad and am in a pretty agitated mood so much so that I considered not doing it.. at least for today. I know that if I don't stick with it today... I'll never go back. Then I'll be the failure idiot who wasted 70 precious dollars on supplies. For a moment there I was even trying to come up with other things I could do with all those lemons... I considered using them to clean even though I wouldn't know how... or if that's even possible. I can't let myself down... I'll get through this I just have to.
2:05pm: I'm about to make my second glass of lemonade. I'm probably so irritated because I'm tired... and I'm tired because I got like 5 hours sleep... not because I'm not eating. I'm getting emotional! I'm pathetic... watching TLC 10 Years Younger and the lady that looks like shes old is white and her husband's black... my ex was black... and this is friggin making me cry. Are you kidding me? I am so worried about the saddness this cleanse is going to bring on but it'll be good. It'll be like I'm cleansing out my negative emotions as well.
I should probably really get out of bed now. Grr.....
2:11: Jeez Louise another elimination! Less yellow in color... I hope this doesn't happen in class
3:00pm: I've already had four glasses (one then I combined two and now one more). I thought I would have four before class and four after so I get 8... right in the middle of the recommended 6-10. I really like the taste of this drink!
7:16pm: Just got back from class. Made it into the class I was closed out of... hooray! After I got that worked out I felt like I was really hyper. I don't know if it was because I was just jazzed to get into Literacy or if I'm already experience increased energy from the cleanse. It's probably the former. While I was walking to class I was ready to start snapping at someone and feel like my feet weighed a thousand pounds as I walked. I was worried that I would have headaches from withdrawing from caffeine... but it hasn't been bad. I have had a slight headache since this afternoon that comes and goes in little like 5 minute intervals. I got really cold in class... I don't know if it's cause I had just returned from a false fire alarm (mmm.... FDNY boys) or if I wasn't drinking enough lemonade. Agh and if this had been any normal day I would have taken the fire drill as an opportunity to have a cigarette break... and so did a lot of other people... including a friend who suggested we smoke. I had to break the news to her that I was doing the cleanse.. Now too many people know that I'm doing it so I can't tell them all 'Eh... I just gave up half way through... that's hard.' Instead I want them to be impressed with my completion and dedication to bettering myself. Well I don't really care if they're impressed by me... but just don't want to have to tell anyone including myself I gave up.
I'm currently drinking my 5.5 cup of the lemonade. I have a stupid meeting at 9 and I hope to go to bed right after. I always get a little lonely and sad at night anyway... especially in my new room... especially without food... and ESPECIALLY without weed. I'll make it through I'm sure.
I haven't pooped.. oh sorry... eliminated since this morning (my morning... real people's afternoon). I guess that's normal.
10:02pm: So I'm totally losing it. I had my last glass (total of seven) a little bit ago. I marked February 5 on my calender with a big smiley face (the day I end my cleanse) and was so gung ho about the whole thing. Just now though, I got overwhelmed and just started crying. I like feel really homesick which I can't believe. I'm just sad... totally sad. I have no one to talk to and it's even too late to call my mom... not that I would want her to know I'm homesick. I really wish this would pass. I've only done one day how the hell am I going to get through 9 more? It's like I'm just thinking about all the bad things and can't see the good anymore. I'm so scared to fail. I wish I would just fall asleep please God just let me fall asleep
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