Last night I had a lot of dreams...well really nightmares... about food. I woke up from each panicked. And it wasn't until I was on the bus going to work this morning that I convinced myself they didn't happen.
One dream involved spaghetti and my Grandma. I think she was yelling at me to eat some spaghetti and eventually talked me into it. Another was my cousin bought me a Ruben and was like "I know it's a few days early but here's the Ruben it'll be right over here" and put it in the refrigerator but I misunderstood that as the cleanse is over and I can eat it now. So when I had a big delicious mouth full I realized I had broken the cleanse. I really thought I had screwed up this morning. I was really confused. I smiled so big like a freak to myself on the bus though when I realized I was still on track and good to go.
The lady I work for said I was her hero for being able to stick to this. That made me feel good. She kept saying "You must be so tired" because of the fast. I wanted to be like "No... I'm so tired cause you're kids are totally insane and you have me running all over the place." But I told her..and it's true... I feel pretty good. I'm tired cause I got really lousy sleep last night... but rather upbeat seeing that I haven't eaten anything in 6 days.
I want to say that it's weird to not have eaten anything in such a long period of time.... but it just doesn't feel that weird. Is that weird? Is it weird to not feel weird that I haven't eaten anything solid in almost a week?
I still am not convinced that this cleanse is having any effect on me. Maybe I'm so toxic that it would take over a week to even start feeling the effects.
Oh yea.. when I was taking a shower earlier I noticed that I have a bruise...well two bruises on my side... like on my waist near my hip. They're totally blue and I can not imagine what they're from.
8:51pm: Just drank another 1.5 glasses (7 today). My tongue is definitely gross. My tongue occasionally is white and you can see my teeth marks on it sometimes.. like usually the day after a night of getting wasted... but I just looked at it and it's for sure white and for sure gross. It looks like it's hairy... if that makes any sense. like the taste buds have little white fur on them. I don't know why I'm having such a hard time believing that these are effects of the cleanse and not something else... like effects from just not eating. I feel like your tongue would be gross anyway from not eating. Like my breath. My breath has been stank. Whenever I don't eat my breath is stank. So is it really the toxins rising to the surface on my tongue? Or is it just cause that's what happens when you don't eat?
I talked to my grandma again. Oh yea... I talked to my mom while I was at work and told her I was on the cleanse after she asked me what I was going to have to dinner. I basically got no reaction... but I told her I was proud of myself... kind of expecting a "I'm proud of you too" or at least a "good for you" or eeeven "good" but nothing. I don't care if doesn't really matter to me. I'm proud of myself.
I really think what's getting me through this is the thought of a Ruben at the end...
11:26pm: I eliminated a few times. This is the most my stomach has hurt this entire time. There is still solids coming out of me. I don't know if they're technically considered solids but still. And it smelled like lemons. That's another thing. I heard that your eliminations are supposed to smell totally foul but mine haven't smelled AT ALL. Took 6 laxatives a bit ago. I'm getting sick of this. I can't wait to go home.
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