10:00ish: I eliminated. I'm thinking the tea was a good idea. More grainy goodness... AND mucus! The grains kind of sank to the bottom and streamed around were these strings of slimy pieces. It looked like I had pooped some snot. And this is good! I want the mucus out! Right now it's 10:32 and I'm drinking my salt water flush. Again... doesn't taste bad (I don't know if I added too much salt or if my tastes are heightened cause it definitely tastes saltier)... but so much to drink. Agh. Let's see how this goes. I'm excited.
4:57pm: So I am an IIIIIDDDDDIIIIIIIOOOOOOOTTTTTT!!! After I finished my salt flush this morning I started to feel panicky and my heart was beating fast and I was nauseous and then it occurred to me... I DOUBLED the salt that I should have put in! Since it won't all fit in one glass I split it into two... so it's two teaspoons of salt all together (one in each glass) but I put two in each! So when it was saltier... it actually was much saltier than it should have been. How stupid of me. I made myself throw most of it up... some of it went through me and I eliminated. What a way to start the day. Because of all of this I had to quickly drink one glass containing 2.5 servings before I went to work... I just got home from work and made 1.5 glass.
Oh yea... and in between eliminating and throwing up the salt water my anus started bleeding. Not a lot... I think it's just from wiping so much plus the burning. There was also something red in my throw up. I don't know if it was blood or some cayenne pepper (the blood on my anus is definitely blood... it hurts even now). It was a very small amount.
My old co worker is supposed to come over tonight to watch a movie. I'm nervous. I don't know if he's going to bring food with him or want food while he's here. He knows I'm doing the cleanse but he's somewhat of an idiot so I hope it occurs to him that's he's not going to be able to (or shouldn't) eat here. I guess it'll be a good thing because I'll probably be less sad tonight. I'm feeling really anti social though. I kind of wish he wasn't coming. I say that... but then I complain when I'm alone. Agh I don't know.
I have been less hungry today although my stomach growled so loud the kid I babysit for was like "OMG YOU ARE HUUUNGRY." I don't think it was a hunger growl I think it was just activity going on in my stomach.
Also... I'm pissed. The book said I would need approximately 60-80 lemons for the whole ten days but only to buy three days worth at a time so they wouldn't go bad. So I bought 25ish lemons and they're going bad! I haven't used nearly as much as he approximated... I guess I'm a a good juicer (I've been using one I got in a 99 cent store... I love 99 cent stores). But these lemons were a buck each. You're not supposed to refrigerate them because it apparently makes them have less enzymes, taste worse, and could make you nauseous. But I have to. I've been taking a few out at a time letting the others sit in the fridge but agh... I don't have money to waste.
I'm glad Day 4 wasn't the hell day that I expected. Maybe I won't have a hell day. Maybe I'm not doing this right.
8:01pm: I just drank a Smooth Move. I decided to since I botched the salt water this morning. I also canceled my co-worker. I feel pretty bad. He was like three blocks from my house when I told him I was falling asleep. I mean it is true... I am having trouble keeping my eyes open... and I just couldn't bare the thought of entertaining someone right now. I'm really really tired... more mentally than physically. Like really all I can do is watch TV. Which sucks because of the commercials for food and people eating in the shows. I also keep having flash backs to one day when we were in the salon and the manager announced that she was pregnant... I looked over at him and he whispered to another co worker "Kate looks like she's pregnant." So I don't feel that bad for canceling. That just kept replaying over and over in my head and I just didn't want to be around him. Or anyone. I just want to be alone and get through this.
I think I've decided to get my tattoo finally. After my cousin April died I considered getting "Just keep swimming" because it was a motivational line that really helped me.. and she absolutely loved Finding Nemo (who doesn't really... but she freakishly looked like Dory) so it will remind me of her. I always looked up to her and she's still a role model for me. Just keep swimming is really helping me through this cleanse... like it's helped me before... like it will help me later. Hmm... maybe I'll watch Finding Nemo tonight. I'm trying to think of a movie to watch that doesn't have any eating in it.
The book says that problems with constipation have a lot to do with problems with letting go of emotions and holding on to the past. I know I have these problems. The book also says that while we eliminate our waste we should eliminate our hang ups etc. I want to. I really really want to. I feel like if I let go of my emotions I'll start screaming and never stop. I've cried everyday at least since London (where I studied in 2005). I'm sick of crying.
8:24pm: Had 1.5 glasses
I don't know how into the whole three days of restrictive eating after the cleanse I am. I'm going home Day "11." The book is telling me I need to drink fresh orange juice all day. I just really don't see that happening. I was originally not going to do the full 10 days and only do a week so I'm kind of justifying my not doing the three days post cleanse with that. I'm going to eat oranges (the books says it's okay to eat them instead of drink them) all day Friday and then for dinner that night have a salad with fresh vegetables and a lite dressing. I was going to do only eat vegetables on Saturday... but... I don't know. I'll see how I feel... but right now I'm really feleing a Ruben. I want a Ruben soooooo baaaaaaad. Maybe I'll do the orange thing again during the day and then a Ruben for dinner... okay yea that's what I'm gonna do.
10:42pm: Having one last glass (total of 6.5 today). I didn't even want it... I just want to use up these lemons. I've upped the cayenne pepper just cause I can take the heat. I also took 7 laxative tablets. I know it sounds like I'm abusing the laxatives but that's what I've needed to take to have any effect.
I kind of feel a little high. Like I'm having trouble focusing and I don't know how to describe it... but when I'm high my eye balls move in... haha I can't even think of what I was going to say! Am I just totally exhausted? Or is there weed being stirred up inside me? Maybe a little of both? Nah I'm probably just deliriously tired.
I want to stop cracking my knuckles... and everything else I can possible crack. It's such a bad habit and I'm sure it's not helping my body feel good. And it's not a good example to set as a teacher. I'm going to stop cracking...everything.
I feel like this is the most boring blog ever but it is really helping me through this. A lot.
When I get through tomorrow I'll be halfway there!
No comments:
Post a Comment